Lately i’ve just been thinking about some ridiculous sayings people say to you when you first become a Mom. I didn’t realise how stupid some of these sayings were until I’ve stopped to think about them.
1. “You look good… For someone who’s had a baby.”
Just stop at you look good. That’s nice! When you add for someone’s who’s had a baby you’re basically saying you look pretty rough but you’re excused because you’ve recently given birth. Or you actually look good and they’re surprised because giving birth is meant to what? Turn us into fat slobs?
Oh yeh, I look amazing…
2. “He (the dad) only takes him out to get the girls.”
This was said to me more than an acceptable amount of times in the early days. Several issues arise here:
a. Let’s for a minute assume he is using his infant son to score a one night stand. How is this going to play out? Is Ollie going to go along and sit at the end of the hotel bed? Completely ridiculous thing to say!
b. Let’s more accurately assume that he’s actually NOT using his infant son to find a cheap date. After 3 years of being the worlds worst couple and finally settling down with a mortgage and baby, actually we’re committed to each other. You my friend, need to be committed to a mental home!
c. What on earth makes you think he’d want to cheat on this? Look at them in their themed t-shirts like they’re on some kind of dodgy stag do.
3. “You’ve got all this to come.”(Referring to their naughty kids)
When I’m innocently sitting or standing in close proximity to a mother with older kids who are playing up and they look at me and look at peaceful little Ollie and say, “You’ve got all this to come.” All what? Why do you assume my baby will grow up to be naughty, if I reversed it and said, “Hope my kid doesn’t grow up to be a little shit!” Or “bet they were lovely when they were little!” That would not be acceptable! It’s not ok to assume that I will struggle to discipline my kid! I apologise 6 years in advance to the innocent new moms that I will inevitably say this to when Ollie has a public strop.
Some older kids are actually really nice!
4. “You look tired.”
Yeh. That’s because I am. But hey guess what? I don’t mind
because curling my hair and putting a face mask on isn’t a priority for me anymore! I’d stay up all night if Ollie needed me to and go to work without brushing my hair or having a wash. As it happens though, he sleeps really well! I’m tired because I’m a wimp and can’t relax with Ollie in his room and I work in a nightclub!
“I am tired! Less talking, more sleeping!”
5. “You shouldn’t be back at work!”
Why not? I just say, “you’re very lucky that you’re mortgage free and/or your partner earns enough to support you but we’re still paying our mortgage and I want to give Ollie security.” This usually shuts people up because they either are lucky enough that their partner earns a lot or they’re a “Full time mother” so either way they can afford to be off work. I would love to still be off work but it’s not an option for everybody!
But… How will I collect my awards if I stay home? Haha!
6. “I think he’s hungry/ tired/ wet.”
Refer to “Back seat parenting.” Your snapshot speculation of my babies needs is irrelevant and that isn’t his tired cry, that’s his uncomfortable cry so…“I’m wet because I’ve been swimming silly!”
7. “It’s different with the second…”
Well durrr. I think I could’ve figured that out. Everything is different second time round! There more kids the better!
8. “He’ll (the baby) be a little heart breaker!”
Just because he’s cute now it doesn’t mean I’m going to let him grow up to be a dirty little player that treats girls like crap! Why is this ok to say about boys? I don’t look at baby girls and say, “Awww she’ll be a right little cock-tease when she’s older!”Actually… he is mega cute… Maybe you’re right… Sorry teenage girls of 2030ish.
9. “Sleep when the baby sleeps…”
Yeh thanks for that stupid advice, I missed my stop on the bus the other day and got banned from my local supermarket. Babies sleep anywhere, anytime you fools! However, joking aside, it is actually a good idea to sleep when your baby naps, in the comfort of your own home all settled and comfortable! Especially when they get a routine going, I know roughly what time I can get my blanket ready for a nap in the afternoon! That one just makes me laugh because you can’t just instantly go to sleep just because your baby is asleep.