So in the breaks I’ve been taking from watching cat videos, I’ve been reading some articles on the ‘perfect guy’. Most of the lists consist of ‘he buys you flowers,’ ‘he calls for no reason’ and ‘he plays with your hair’. Adorable. Don’t get me wrong, all of these things are just dandy and totally encouraged, I’m just a bit worried that we’re missing the big picture.
So I made my own list of 5 qualities the perfect guy should have, that I think are kinda important.
1. He’s not a racist
Nothing screams ‘don’t date me’ like oppressing other cultures and races amiright? If he uses phrases like “it was better back in the day” or “whatever happened to segregation?” you may want to steer clear of this future hubby. Remember, when choosing your breeding buddy, it’s important to make sure they don’t share the characteristics of your unanimously disliked uncle at a family reunion. A boy that buys you flowers is nice, but #racistscanbuyflowerstoo
2. He’s not homophobic
If the guy you’re crushing on has ever said “well I see where they’re coming from” while discussing the Westboro Baptist Church, send that guy packing. He may have cheese grating abs, but denying other human beings basic rights is a massive turn off. #godhateshomophobes.
3. He’s not sexist
There’s nothing worse than a guy who sees your velvety sex purse as a sign of inferiority. Devaluing you and your entire gender which makes up more than half of the world’s population is such a deal breaker. However, throw an ‘E’ up in that sexist and you may have yourself a winner. #sexiestnotsexist
4. He’s not a murderer
If your real life boyfriend pillow keeps coming home covered in blood, with unknown body parts in the back of his tinted windowed jeep, then that’s definitely a warning sign. Having a lover who goes around killing people is just a drama you don’t need to have in your life. I mean, Denise from work is already being a bitch. The only thing he should be killing is ‘it’. #killitnotpeople
5. He doesn’t deny the holocaust
If your man isn’t denying the holocaust he’s a keeper!